Patient

what's going on me right now??
seems like i'm being a crazy person..
i always a crazy person..
never doubt bout it...hahahhaa

it just..i had a feeling to someone..
really wanna be with him..
i wanna make a label between us...
i know label is kind of lame for him..
but i really want it...

maybe i need to cool down after all hell that he have been through...
but..i cant stop thinking bout him..
my heart is always waiting for him...
i really hope that he still remember me all time..
even he was tired busy or what ever things he did...

i know he miss me so much..
just like i miss him...
patient!! patient is all i need for him..
let him be first..
let he decide what he wanna do first...
job family or anything else...
kind of hope that he want me too...hehehehe

thats all!!!
miss u so much!!!

Real Regrown and Restart

Being 21 was so much faster than i though...
never doubt bout time...never getting late bout it...
21...what!!!! its like a crucial time for me to find someone...
to be cuddle...to be hug....
such a wonderful.....hahahaha but like always dear...dream on...

I had think a lot bout my self now days...
i dont think i'm gonna put myself under the curtain anymore..
hiding somewhere...now..
i think i wanna step up for a better reason and life...
i'm gonna do it step by step...

first!! of course i need to be more realistic..i mean in real life..
do i pretend to be somebody else...?? i dont think so..
but maybe some other silly person might think that..
so, its time for me to be real with everybody...
be who i'm suppose to be...
not only by my stupid crazy mouth bitchy word...
but i'm talking bout my self..
my appearance...
i want to clear up some closed minded people out there....
i am AYAI....i'm somebody now..
and they need to know who i am...really am..
by the way..i'm not saying i'm a good person...but u can say that...
not a really bad person...but sometimes bad..heheh

next!! i will be regrown up by myself..
sound ridiculous right?? but who cares...
i'm gonna take my time for myself to make up my mind...
to be who i'm suppose to be..
to be more mature than before..
or to be more crazy than before..
or to be natural in all way...
i dont know yet...hehehhee

and lastly....i need to restart my whole crazy life...
clarifying myself bout what happen now...
specifically bout my previous life..seriously guys..
my late life were really bad and shit....snapped me!!
hahahaha....i'm gonna think bout my future plan...
i mean bout my study..future job...i dont wanna be homeless guy...
or guy that pick up the trash or any kind of freak clown people doing circus...
i want to be an engineer...errrrr...i'll think bout that later...

thats all i need....the three R....Real, Regrown and Restart...
what ever happen before this..
i think i might pass all out..does not need to be remember anymore..
i had waste my 3 precious year...
now i'm gonna be new me...


Yeay!!!! Its me AYAI....new AYAI!! :)

The Truth

In reality, we really does not care bout the truth of our own life...
Even we said we care. but we do not actually...
Matter of fact, knowing the truth is so much pain. and its keep coming even we did not ask it coming.

And now i'm talking bout myself out there...
did i survive? how does my life end up out there..
i really know bout that yet..
but i'm pretty sure its not that good..

just as i thought, my life is pretty messy..
with all kind of love-hate stuff...
its like creeping inside my head and did not want to come out..
its quite terrible for to handle up alone..

kind of hope that somebody would come out and do rescue me from the hill of dark..
that keep playing around in my head...
btw its pretty awesome to have somebody to love and be loved..
not that awesome to does not have either one..

but i'm sure everyone have somebody that he/she might love..except the family..
like myself..
i do have someone that i really do care..
unfortunately..the hole getting bigger and my love life getting deeper..
its turned me down...what can i get??
hurm....perfectly nothing..eventually maybe..

i know that he might miss me but not sure he was going to love just like i love him..
i might be blind by my pretty-love thingy....i cant see that love from him..
or i just hoping to much from him..
nowdays, he kind of getting rid of me..
or maybe i was over reacting bout this..

for sure i know he was and in kine of busy with all work and junk that he need to do for his future..
everyone busy in their own kind of way...i'm pretty sure that they still have time for little talk bout little2 something right?
why dont he have it for me? at least for 30 minute..or 10 minute or 5 second to say i love you...
does it hard to say that word?? or he afraid of saying at only mouth but does not care what does it mean..

thats all
bye!!

Day three: ten things you hate

quite a long time x update blog kan...
sorry la..kind of busy lately..
layan kerenah orang and holiday...
btw sekarang ni kan cuti sem..haruslah bergumbira...


bout this post lak....
agak lame aku membiar kan 10 days ni kan....
now continue with day 3....

10 THINGS I HATE

1. Liars

i hate when people lie to my face coz i know what it feels like when people know if we lie.

2. Coward

I do hate coward!! really hate...what coward do??? nothing..the pretending to be some other person that they might think cover their truth......totally coward!!! For me, if u wanna show up yourself...then u need strength and will...u can't keep hiding under the hood.....being yourself is always good and better than being a coward!!!

3. Dependent.

Aku paling xsuke bile orang selalu bergantung kat orang lain....for example a friend...we know that a friend will help a friend in need...but if a friend keep depending on us wherever he/she wanna do...its crap and too much!! u need to know that everyone has their own limit in this kind of situation...

4. Ghost

Sape kat sini suke hantu?? cer citer sikit!! hahahah of cos semua takot hantu kan... :) hehehehe

5. Abandoned

Tak suke jadi org yang di tinggalkan...sedih sangat...

rasa diri ni sangat terok and loserrrr....

hurm....klo benda ni berlaku kt aku..

memang down la aku...lebih baik mati jer...

6. Poor

Aku benci bile aku miskin...x suke!!!!!

xde duit nak beli ape2...

nak makan pon susah..

nnti kene harap kt orang lain lak..

:(

7. Lipas

Xsuke la lipas....dia kecik and bersayap....

and geli!!! hahahahah

8. Kotor

Xsuke klo orang wat kotor kat tempat aku or so what ever...

benci2...heheheheheheh :)

9. Selfish

Ni yang agak aku xsuke...selfish!!!!

aku gerenti semua orang x suke selfish....

sangat mementingkan diri sendiri....

argh!!! no komen...

10. Myself

Aku xtau lar kenapa..bukan nak menghina ciptaan Ilahi..

aku ni macam dilahirkan serba kekurangan....

till now aku xjumpe mane2 kelebihan aku...

pelik lar...kekadang aku frust ngan diri aku sendiri....

xtau nk luah kan kat siapa..

terpaksa la luahkan kat sini kan!!! :)